Friday, May 9, 2014

The Countdown Begins: I'm Breaking Up with Food

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eating gifs photo: How to eat Cereal eating.gif eating gifs photo: Nom Nom Nom double_time.gif eating photo:  tumblr_m9dkggKkLD1r58lcw.gif

Well, I start my transformation on Monday.  You know what that means?  This weekend I'll be saying goodbye to comfort food, while stuffing as much food in my mouth as possible.  It's a sad moment for me.  Why cant I just be one of those people who can eat what ever they want and never see it on the scale?  No more late night, drunken Ultimate Cheeseburgers from Jack in the Box.  Or cookies and milk before bed.  Or ice cream on an emotional day.  Or pizza, which I think will be the hardest goodbye.  The only thing left to do is break up with my comfort food:

My heart is heavy today, knowing our time together has come to an end.  The only thing that is worse about saying goodbye to you, is that I am saying good bye to you all at once.  You were there for me in the best and worst of times Macaroni.  I never judged you for being fake, with your cheese powder and boxed noodles, because you never cared if I ate all of you.  You also didn't mind sharing the spotlight, as I paired you with many of my other favorites.  How generous.

macaroni gifs photo: Creamy Cheesy Macaroni an-Macaroni.gif

Macaroni's creaminess paired well with you, Hot Dog.  You have always known how to be a co-star though, every barbecue burgers always outshine you.  I will never forget how nice of you that was.  Speaking of burgers, Ultimate Cheeseburger, thank you for all the wonderful nightcaps we had together.  You never failed at sobering me up.  You were a cheap date, which was part of your appeal.  You and curly fries will have many more nights together, just not with me.

Fried Chicken.  Sadly you are on the break up list as well.  Your crunchy, salty exterior was always attractive to me.  You comforted me always, and went with everything.  You were offered to me everywhere I turned, and it made you hard to resist.  You were like a bad boy, knowing I shouldn't be with you, but impossible to let go.  I feel like an emotionally abused woman, who has finally come to the realization you will never change.  You will always be unhealthy, which is why I cant be with you anymore, but you will always have a place in my heart.

Pasta, you could have been memorialized with Macaroni, but I felt you deserved your own explanation for why I'm leaving you.  You were authentic, oh so suave, with your Italian background.  You made me weak at the knees in all your garlic-y flavors.  Good thing there is a healthier version of you, but he seems so stuck up I don't know if I will even bother.  I may miss you enough to give him a shot.  Until then, good bye.

And last, but certainly not least, is you Pizza.  The thought of life with out you is unbearable.  You are my favorite, and all the others were simply options to choose so I wouldn't get sick of you.  Life will be a little less delicious without you, but I know I will meet you again.  There is no way I can spend the rest of my life not seeing you again, even if I have to cheat every once in a while to be with you.

You all are amazing, but I have to move on.  You haven't done anything to show you deserve me, and if anything were a detriment to my life.  Maybe once I can figure out how to balance you with the leaner versions of yourselves, we can hang out again, but until then, this is it.  This weekend will be our last rendezvous, so please do me a favor and don't call for a while.


  1. I applaud your efforts to improve yourself. It's going to be pretty hard at first, but after the first two weeks you feel a whole lot better about yourself! I did this with energy drinks and pop, and it was definitely a challenge. Good luck!

  2. Hi Kris!

    Thank you for taking the time to read my posts! :) It will be quite a journey, and I would love to share it with others. Stay tuned and spread the word!