Thursday, May 8, 2014

Heartbreak + Food = Ma'am, Put Down the F***ing Pizza

So, as some of you may know from reading my previous post, I lost my Dad on March 28, 2013.  Me gaining all this weight is not a result of that, though I'm sure it contributed some.  I was definitely on the food-caboose before he passed away, but that incident just detached me from reality.  He was my best friend in life and not having him here with me, makes the world a little gloomy, to say the very least.  I tumbled into depression.  At 25 years old, this is not how I envisioned my life.  To think that I still have what seems like an eternity to live, and wont share a millisecond with my Dad, twists my heart into knots.

Despite that, I managed to move out of my Mom's, with my boyfriend, in our first ever apartment financed by yours truly.  The liberation is amazing, and I feel so guilty my Dad wasn't here to see how fantastic it truly makes me feel.  Since I have waited so long to live out on my own, and not have anyone to answer to, I don't mind admitting that I am a serious homebody.  I've wanted an apartment for so long, now that it's here, I never want to leave.  That could be the depression though.  It could also be because I just don't feel comfortable in my own skin.  I'm not too sure, but oh well.

Anyways, since I've moved out, I've been in complete control of my food intake.  I thought that would mean that I would lose the pounds like my name was Jenny Craig, but if anything, I've gained weight since being here.  It's not like my parents told me what I could and couldn't eat, but they just never bought anything that was good.  Have you ever felt like whenever you look into your own fridge, there is nothing to eat?  But when you look into a friend's fridge, they have the most amazing buffet ever?  Well, that was me, my entire life.  I never felt like there was anything to eat, even if there was. So now that I buy my own groceries, its like a Las Vegas buffet.  You name it, I've got it...well at least until we run out and I'm too lazy to go to Safeway.  If that's the case, hellooooo Jack In the Box, McDonalds, Pizza Hut, Round Table, Del Taco, Carl's Jr., Panda Express, Burger King, Taco Bell, Quiznos, etc....

How pathetic.  Either I'm eating all the unhealthy food I've hoarded from the grocery store, or I'm eating grease fake food.  No wonder I am where I am.  I guess in my emotional state, I just don't feel like dealing with food.  It's easier to take the easy way out, because I just don't have enough emotional stamina to think about breakfast/lunch/dinner.  I'm sure this blog will transform into an all encompassing venting session, that will include rants about my weightloss, boyfriend, loss of my dad, work, and life, so just bear with my verbal A.D.D.  If anything, use it as a comparison to your own life, may you never jump on the roller coaster that is my life.

The gifs below are pretty accurate at describing the past year of my life.  Enjoy:

                                                         eating gif photo: eating tumblr_m3xmihF7YB1rp51jb.gif

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